adoption
its midnight. she just woke up for the first time since i put her to bed. well maybe shes awake. she is just talking away. i went in but she is just too busy talking to notice me. she is making this purring noise. her different noises crack me up. they are so funny and expressive. i can already tell she is opinionated like me:)
i just watched family makers on TLC. it was about adoption. it just makes me feel so lucky to have lola. i would be devasted to be in the postion to not be able to care for my child. adoption is such a selfless thing to do. i dont think i could do it. when lo was born it was hard for me to let her go to the nursery. i remember waking up in a sweat on the second nights hospital stay at like 3am and insisting to go get my baby!! it just felt like a part of me was missing, you know. you carry them for so long and it feels foreign to be without them. so i manuvered out of the bed and hobbled down the hallway to the nursery thinking something was probably wrong. i get there and she is asleep, all swaddled and comfy. i just had to see her though. we kept her in the room with us the rest of the time. one of the nurses got kind of pissy at one point bc i had the ac so low. she said it was too cold for the baby, but i was sooooo HOT!!! i had fans blowing on me, no covers-it was awful. and the morphine pump i had made me want to scratch my skin off.i had to rely on paul to scratch my back and he is a soft scratcher. i couldnt take it. i wanted to him to scratch the hell out of me. ugh its awful not being able to scratch your own itch!!!!!!!! back to the subject of adoption, i always thought if i had kids i would adopt. i never had the desire to be pregnant and i figured there are already enough children in this world that need parents. also this world is so fucked up i felt uncomfortable bringing someone else into it. ok well that changed. last summer i decided i would go off the pill for the first time in 12 years. i never went without the pill bc i was paranoid i'd get prego. i was never one to dote on babies. so ironic now bc i love them so. all of them. i just felt that if i was gonna do it i might as well just take the plunge. my biological clock is ticking, my sister in law was pregnant, cerella was working on it and so on. in may i went off the pill and by august i had chickened out. i was gonna start back on the pill after my next period. well that period never came! i ran a test at work bc i was a day or two late. that line came up as soon as i dripped the pee. i was in SHOCK!!! i took another pee test and a blood test. i couldnt believe it. i left work and pg wasnt home so i called him to come home. he thought someone died. it really took me 6 months for it to soak in that i was pregnant. its so weird that i got prego so easy and some who want it so bad and try so long cannot concieve. i wonder why that is.strange how things happen. i believe everything happens for a reason, so i wonder what the reason is? will it be hard to concieve again since ill want it more? hells bells i dont know, i just know that the show has got me all choked up.
i just watched family makers on TLC. it was about adoption. it just makes me feel so lucky to have lola. i would be devasted to be in the postion to not be able to care for my child. adoption is such a selfless thing to do. i dont think i could do it. when lo was born it was hard for me to let her go to the nursery. i remember waking up in a sweat on the second nights hospital stay at like 3am and insisting to go get my baby!! it just felt like a part of me was missing, you know. you carry them for so long and it feels foreign to be without them. so i manuvered out of the bed and hobbled down the hallway to the nursery thinking something was probably wrong. i get there and she is asleep, all swaddled and comfy. i just had to see her though. we kept her in the room with us the rest of the time. one of the nurses got kind of pissy at one point bc i had the ac so low. she said it was too cold for the baby, but i was sooooo HOT!!! i had fans blowing on me, no covers-it was awful. and the morphine pump i had made me want to scratch my skin off.i had to rely on paul to scratch my back and he is a soft scratcher. i couldnt take it. i wanted to him to scratch the hell out of me. ugh its awful not being able to scratch your own itch!!!!!!!! back to the subject of adoption, i always thought if i had kids i would adopt. i never had the desire to be pregnant and i figured there are already enough children in this world that need parents. also this world is so fucked up i felt uncomfortable bringing someone else into it. ok well that changed. last summer i decided i would go off the pill for the first time in 12 years. i never went without the pill bc i was paranoid i'd get prego. i was never one to dote on babies. so ironic now bc i love them so. all of them. i just felt that if i was gonna do it i might as well just take the plunge. my biological clock is ticking, my sister in law was pregnant, cerella was working on it and so on. in may i went off the pill and by august i had chickened out. i was gonna start back on the pill after my next period. well that period never came! i ran a test at work bc i was a day or two late. that line came up as soon as i dripped the pee. i was in SHOCK!!! i took another pee test and a blood test. i couldnt believe it. i left work and pg wasnt home so i called him to come home. he thought someone died. it really took me 6 months for it to soak in that i was pregnant. its so weird that i got prego so easy and some who want it so bad and try so long cannot concieve. i wonder why that is.strange how things happen. i believe everything happens for a reason, so i wonder what the reason is? will it be hard to concieve again since ill want it more? hells bells i dont know, i just know that the show has got me all choked up.
posted by Adrienne at 00:04
2 Comments:
i was browsing thru random blogs, and found yours. started reading, and just well... clicked i guess. i have a daughter, as of the 13 of february, she is now 10 months old. so your lola, and my tamara are very close. also, i had a problem with swelling during my pregnancy, the last 2 months, and it took me about 7 months for it to soak in that i was pregnant. anywho, i just wanted to post and say HI :D
I was the same way, always thought I'd adopt for all the reasons you mentioned. And I never, ever cared if I saw a baby out in public. Boy how things have changed!
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